Taylor Ann Photography, Vicky Lineberry Designs, Face Forward Beauty
Hello everyone!
We are super excited to dive into a difficult topic this week, but one that plays a major role in the decision making process. Before any major planning can commence, we recommend couples establish their budget early on. And before this, we suggest couples agree on a guest count, because this count drives the budget.
How do you decide who to invite and who not to invite?
We're going to provide some insight into this topic based off of our experiences and what we have witnessed in our couples' own planning.
We want to remind you that who you invite/don't invite is completely up to you! This is a personal choice and one that looks different for each and every couple we work with. Your relationships, values, and wedding day dreams are unique to you - so who you invite should reflect that. Not only does each guest cost money, they have the ability to cost you peace, comfort, and joy. If you feel pressured to invite someone, seriously ask yourself if your peace and comfort is worth being sacrificed for this person. At the end of the day, each guest invitation is your decision - we only hope you feel at peace with your guest list. And if not, we will do our best on the day to minimize your stress and help out with specific guests!
Click Away Photography, The Dairy Barn
To break it down, we want to provide a guided order of who we suggest cutting from your guest list by category:
1. Plus Ones Who Aren't Serious
We suggest first cutting out any of your guests' plus-ones who aren't serious. We all have that one cousin who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend every year, so that might be the best place to start.
2. Extended Family Outside of Aunts/Uncles
Depending on how close you are with them, we recommend cutting extended family out next. This includes second and third cousins, great aunts and uncles, and other family who you don't see as often.
3. Kids
Many couples prefer to have no kids, so their wedding is exclusively adults. A sure-fire way to make this happen is to specify "Adults Only" on your website and invitation, as well as including the # of guests on the rsvp card. For example, your rsvp card could say, "We've reserved 2 seats for you," to ensure no uninvited littles make an appearance. You can also address the envelope with strictly "Mr. and Mrs." versus "The Smith Family," to clarify who is invited. However, we've also seen couples provide on-site babysitters for anyone who couldn't get a babysitter beforehand (provided there's an extra space for them at your venue).
Ryan Barnett Photography, The Dairy Barn Indigo Photography, Nuvole 22, Cali Stott Artistry
4. New Friends
Where would we be without our friends? There is nothing more special than having all of the people you love witness your nuptials. This includes new friends, but we'd recommend making sure they (and you) would feel comfortable on the wedding day. Start thinking about how they'd fit in with your other guests, because the last thing you want is for them to feel alone at a huge party. Newer friends might not know you or your fiancé(e) as well, so an invite could make them feel uncomfortable too. Ultimately, this day is all about you, so you should be surrounded by whoever makes you happy!
5. Friends Who You Haven't Seen in Over a Year
Whether they're friends from your childhood, high school, college, or your old swim team, chances are you haven't seen them in a long time. We all have those friends who we "keep in touch with," but we also couldn't tell you their favorite color if asked. If they aren't close enough where you'd want to spend around $30 on their dinner, we'd suggest rethinking their spot.
6. Neighbors
We all have neighbors - they lend you eggs and put up with your late night Guitar Hero sessions (jk but no really)! Neighbors are amazing, but unless you spend a ton of time with them, we'd suggest rethinking their spot on your guest list. It's important to know how each guest acts in a party setting, so you don't have to face unexpected disruptions on your big day. Invite out of preference, not obligation! :)
Weddings by BlueSky Photography, Belk Chapel, Good Earth Flower Co., Hello Gorgeous
7. Parents' Friends
We recommend cutting parents' friends from your guest list first, since they're not necessarily your friends. We've seen many weddings where the parents were able to bring 2-3 of their closest friends each, but beyond that it might seem like a party for your parents!
8. Estranged Family
The last group we suggest cutting are those of your estranged family. If you have any family members who are distanced from you or don't get along with other family, we would recommend leaving them out. I personally have family members who invited estranged members to their wedding and it ended in a sucker punch and a restraining order! Now I'm not saying your family is as crazy as mine, but that scenario is an extreme case of what could happen. You know your family best, so this is a decision that only you should make!
We hope this discussion has helped ease any feelings of obligation you have! The only thing worse than inviting someone out of obligation is being on the receiving end of that invite. Nobody wants to feel unwanted at a wedding, so you're doing everyone a favor by not inviting them. At the end of the day, your guest list is up to you - so you decide who "makes the cut!"